Background: I am a Jewish convert; most of my family is Protestant and Catholic.
My family used to have a two-part Christmas - Home Christmas and Grandparents' Christmas. Christmas Day was pretty laid-back - my parents, brother, and I would have muffins and open presents in the morning in our PJs.
We rarely had anyone over. My mom doesn't like hosting parties. Christmas lunch/dinner were usually simple things - leftover Thai food, sandwiches, nachos.
On the 26th, we got up early and drove from New England to Central Pennsylvania. When I was a little girl, both sets of my grandparents were still alive. They lived in the same town, so we'd visit my dad's parents during the day, then go to my mom's parents in the evening.
The vague memories I have of my maternal grandparents' brick ranch home (which my papa built) are mostly of the open eat-in kitchen, of my mom's old bedroom (where I slept), and the vague aroma of pipe smoke. I also remember a dish garden of cacti and succulents in the living room, by the bay window, and the breezeway. I remember sleeping beneath a "crazy quilt" made of scraps from my grandma and mom's sewing projects in the 1970s. Lots of colorful, thick synthetic fabric. I now have that quilt - it can keep you warm in below freezing weather.
What I remember more clearly is my paternal grandparents' ranch home, from the entirely blue bathroom to the mostly black and white (with bits of red and blue) bicentennial wallpaper in my dad's old room (which looked like advertisements/military notices from the 1800s). My grandparents had lots of antiques and a small, artificial Christmas tree. There was no smell of smoke in that house - neither of my paternal grandparents smoked. It was a slightly musty, but comforting smell - like walking past old books.
All these things form the feel of Christmas for me. Christmas was not about parties, or having the entire family swoop in our home at once. It was a quieter, slower Christmas.
Last year was a weird Christmas, even weirder than this year. It was my first Christmas without grandparents - my paternal grandfather passed away last fall. The idea of not spending part of the holiday in Pennsylvania, especially his neighborhood, felt wrong. But it also ended up being the first Christmas with my future in-laws.
After spending the morning with my parents, my fiancé and I went to his sister's house. It was his parents, his grandmothers, us, Future SIL, Future SIL's husband and his parents, and Future Niece and Nephew. There were new customs to learn. In his family, everyone opens all their presents at once. I had always assumed that going in a circle, one person and one gift at a time, was the "normal" thing to do because that's what everyone in my family did. But clearly I was wrong.
I went back and forth between missing my grandfather, and wishing he'd had a chance to meet Fiancé, and hoping Grandma- and Nana-in-Law will live forever.
This year, Fiancé had to work Christmas Day, so we're visiting our parents next week. (First mine, then his). We will be wearing masks, because my parents' bubble now includes someone with a serious (non-COVID) illness. In the past, I did not mask up to visit my future in-laws. That was probably a stupid/naive thing to do, but given the rise in COVID rates and my parents' bubble, I think I need to be more careful.
Grandma- and Nana-in-Law are in nursing and assisted living facilities, so we sent flowers and called them. I spent a serious part of yesterday on Zoom with my family, and another serious part playing Merge Dragons while listening to podcasts.
Today looks like it will be a day of just being lazy, and not caring - being introverted and living with chronic anxiety means I like having time to recharge after a very social day.
This morning helped with that. I was delighted to open THREE holiday cards, including one from a fellow member of the Smut Coven.
Wishing everyone a safe and happy new year.
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